Interview by Heather Anderson

Rachel Benson is a certified Equus Coach and the founder of Rachel Benson Coaching, where she works with adults and kids on the ground, no riding involved, at a quiet spot in Moss Beach. Mom to two teenagers, a New Yorker at heart and a San Franciscan since 2000, she spent her career in storytelling, from advertising and publishing to documentary film, before a rough patch of parenting sent her into a round pen with a horse and a coach. Equus Coaching is experiential life coaching partnered with horses, and you don't have to be a horse person for it to work. Rachel didn't think she was one either.

You didn't come to horses as a horse person. You came as a client, in a season when your self-worth was, in your words, in the toilet. Take us back to that first session.

I was really struggling with parenting at the time. I was the opposite of who I wanted to be, and I felt totally disconnected from myself, from my intentions, and especially from my intuition. It also happened to be right when Instagram was blowing up. My kids were little, I was in the house a lot, and Instagram was my way out. I kept seeing all these people rocking it as parents, or what I perceived as rocking it, and I sank deeper and deeper into a spiral of shame and self-doubt.

Then a friend said, "You like horses, right? You rode as a kid?" I stopped riding at ten, so it had been three decades. She knew a coach who helped people get unstuck and happened to use horses in her sessions. I thought, that sounds completely out to lunch. But hey, I love horses, why the heck not. At that point I was willing to try anything.

So I show up just north of San Francisco. My coach put me instantly at ease, her beautiful horse was standing right there, and I started brushing him. Then she invited me into the round pen, which I now know is where the magic happens. She's on the outside, I'm on the inside with the horse, who is free to roam. She starts asking me questions, and I notice the horse slowly coming over to where I'm standing, leaning in a little. I step away. He leans in again. I step away again.

She stops me. "Have you noticed what's going on with the horse?" Well, he's standing really close to me. "And what are you doing?" I'm stepping away. Big horse, don't want to get stepped on. She looked at me and said, "Interesting. So where else in your life are you giving up your space to something else?"

I literally choked. Holy shit, that's it. I had given my space to the parenting vision I thought I was supposed to be. I was giving my space to absolutely everything other than caring for myself. I could only see it by physically watching myself give up space with a horse standing next to me. From that moment on, I learned boundaries.

You'd spent your whole career in storytelling. What was the moment you knew you had to switch sides of the lead rope and become a coach yourself?

Storytelling has always been the thing for me. I loved theater, I loved watching how people share and express stories, and that led me through advertising, publishing, and documentary filmmaking. I loved the work, but I was constantly seeking a different kind of storytelling, the human-to-human kind, and in each role I felt like I was getting further away from it.

Then I had my experience with Equus Coaching, and it hit me that this was storytelling too. We're all living out stories. We're often spiraling in them, or stuck in them, and we have the power to create and live our own narratives. It helped me untether myself from a story I was completely stuck in as a parent. And I thought, this is it. I want to help people see their stories, decide what's true in them and what isn't, and move beyond the ones they're stuck in. For me, Equus Coaching was absolutely the most effective way to do that.

For everyone reading this and thinking, life coaching... with a horse?, what is Equus Coaching, actually? Walk us through a session.

Equus Coaching is, in essence, experiential life coaching. It gives people the opportunity to actually see their patterns, their modes of behavior, and their thoughts show up in real time, in a round pen with a horse or however they're interacting with the horse. A client's patterns will completely show up in that space. Then we get to see them, name them, explore them, challenge them, and experiment with new ways of being. It's highly effective because you can see your own behavior almost mirrored in front of you, which makes it so much clearer.

Sessions look different for everyone. We start by connecting around what the client wants to work on, then find ways of engaging with a horse around that topic. Sometimes that's simply being near a horse, observing its behavior, and connecting it to what's coming up for them. Sometimes it's brushing a horse. Sometimes it's being in the round pen, energetically connecting and moving around and with the horse. Sometimes it's leading a horse over and through obstacles. It can be whatever the client is most comfortable with. And when someone is looking for a challenge and really wants to see what comes up, I'll facilitate activities that I know help reveal things that might be stuck or hidden.

“The horse will absolutely reveal the truth.”

— Rachel Benson

So what is it about horses? Why does this work when a person can't just talk their way there?

Horses are incredible for this work, more so than any other animal, because they're prey animals. They've survived as long as they have because they can read energy, feel shifts, and connect with whatever creature has entered their space. That's how they stay safe and alive. And because of that energetic connection, they respond to the energy they feel in the beings around them and mirror back in their body language what we're internally experiencing.

If someone shows up to a session full of nervous energy but on the outside they're telling me, "Oh yeah, everything's good, I'm fine," the horse will absolutely reveal the truth. My job as the coach is to notice where the horse is reacting to that energy, and ultimately the client notices it too. So in many ways my job is to ask the client what they're noticing in the horse's behavior and help them connect it back to themselves.

Plenty of parents have heard of equine therapy, and some have sat on its famously long waitlists. How is Equus Coaching different?

The world of equine-facilitated learning is really growing, and within it there are a lot of modalities. The most common one people have heard of is equine therapy. Usually that involves a horse, a licensed clinical therapist, and a horse handler working together with the client, and often that work is mounted, meaning people ride, though plenty happens on the ground too. In essence, equine therapy is working with a licensed clinical therapist.

Equus Coaching is different. Equus Coaches are certified life coaches who are also trained in a modality for understanding horse behavior and facilitating sessions between a client and a horse. Someone comes to Equus Coaching because they want a coach, and they want this experiential piece along with it.

You introduced yourself to our community as a recovering perfectionist, over-anticipator, and people pleaser. What have the horses taught you about all that?

Let me take the people pleasing one, because that's the one the horses got their hooves into first. For years and years, I was somebody who would say yes to anything, because I wanted to make people happy and I wanted the validation that I was a "helpful, good person." That meant bulldozing over my own boundaries, or never setting them in the first place. I got really good at accommodating everyone's needs and I prided myself on it. Eventually I realized it was a coping mechanism for a lot of stuff from the past, and I had to work on that stuff in therapy. I knew that, and I went there.

What coaching gave me was something different. In session after session, I noticed I was trying to get the horse to like me. Literally. Why was I so concerned about whether this horse liked me? What did that mean? How did it show up in my body? And how could I experiment with feeling differently? I got to practice that with the horse, in a safe space, and then bring it into the real world. It totally worked. I could feel grounded in myself after those sessions. I still noticed other people's needs, but now I could check in with myself first about whether meeting them would bulldoze my own boundaries.

And here's the thing. Almost every single client I've worked with eventually says some version of, "I feel so weird saying this, but I kind of want the horse to like me." You can tell in an instant who the people pleasers are.

You work with kids as young as nine. What does this look like for a kid, and what has surprised you about coaching them?

I am having so much fun coaching kids. Horses and kids are so unique together. Kids aren't stuck in the stories we adults get stuck in, so there's a clearer energy coming from them, and horses really resonate with it. Horses seem to know when they're helping a kid.

Sessions with kids are playful. We design a lot of obstacle courses that they then lead the horse over and through, and what comes up is self-confidence, staying grounded in yourself, and learning to be aware of yourself and others. That awareness keeps you safe around a horse, but it also matters in a social context. A lot of my kid clients are working on self-awareness, impulse control, self-confidence, and leadership. Often in a session we’ll play with the question of what does clear leadership actually feel like, for them and for the horse, versus the story of what a leader is supposed to be? Watching a kid figure that out with a thousand-pound animal following them through an obstacle course is a pretty great way to spend a day.

For the mom reading this at 11pm who feels stuck in a story of her own, what's one small thing she can try this week? No horse required.

Horses, as prey animals, live in fight, flight, or freeze, just like we do. So I'd tell that mom spiraling at 11pm to notice whether she's in one of those states right now. Is she fighting, fleeing, or frozen? Most parents are stuck in their sympathetic nervous system and haven't shifted into the parasympathetic, which is where rest and clarity live.

Once you notice which state you're in, speak to that place. Speak really lovingly to it, and see if you can soften it ever so slightly. Just like a horse, there's an inner prey animal in each of us that needs to recognize it's safe. So what do you need in that moment to help yourself feel safe? Breathing into it, speaking kindly to it, or even just noticing it is critical. That's the shift from surviving to settling.

Logistically speaking, where does all of this happen? Do people have to come to you and the horse?

I run most of my one-on-one and small group sessions out of a beautiful ranch in Moss Beach, about 20 minutes south of San Francisco. It's a peaceful spot, the horses are lovely, and it’s really conducive to being present and doing the work people come to do.. But Equus Coaching can happen anywhere there are horses. For groups and teams who have a location they're excited about, we can come to you.

People sometimes ask if I'll coach them with their own horse, and the answer is yes. It's fascinating work. I'll say this, though: sometimes being so ensconced in the life of your own horse makes it harder to see things fresh. It's not quite as raw. So if you're a diehard horse person who's totally stuck in life, we can absolutely work together, and we might do some of it with a horse who doesn't already know all your tricks.

You're a New Yorker at heart who now spends her days at a ranch in Moss Beach. Who did you become out there?

Oh, I know exactly who I became. I returned to who I was as a kid. I let my inner kid have a place in my life again, and I reconnected with who I've always been. Just a little more mature, and a little more wrinkly.

What's next for Rachel Benson Coaching? Where do you want this work to go?

I’m very excited for what’s next for my coaching business. I’m planning a whole series of workshops for people seeking clarity and transformation. Some will be topical, like boundaries, finding ease in transitions, and some of them will be specifically for parents. Others will be much more open, just self-exploration and change. A number of people have asked for women's circles around perimenopause, so that's something I'm excited to bring to life. I'm also building retreats for groups and teams. All of that is built on partnerships and I have a wonderful partnership with Moon Valley Ranch in Moss Beach where a lot of these will be held. But part of my work is also building partnerships with other ranches, ranch owners, and horse owners, because the work can happens in other beautiful places.

If a mom is reading this and curious but on the fence, maybe thinking I'm not a horse person, or this sounds a little woo, what would you tell her? And what's the easiest first step?

I'd tell her that all you need is curiosity and a willingness to take one small step. The easiest first step is to reach out and set up a time to talk with me. Super easy, and I will answer any and every question about this work, until the cows come home.

Connect with Rachel on Facebook or Instagram.

You can also find Rachel Benson on The M List, The Mamahood's searchable database of mom-recommended resources, or connect and collaborate with her inside The Club membership for women Founders.

Rachel Benson on Equus Coaching: What Horses Reveal About Us That Talking Can't